“Your perceptions create your inner world, and you look at the outer world accordingly” is the fundamental truth of human nature and known to us from ancient times. While we acknowledge it at the intellectual level, do we internalize it and work upon ourselves? My coaching experience says, NO. The reason is simple, our egoic mind makes us believe that whatever self-awareness we have is complete, whatever little experiences we have had are absolute reality and our thinking is rational and perfect. When as a coach you find your coachee harbouring such a mindset and all your reflective inquiry skills and appreciative inquiry skills have failed – WHAT DO YOU, DO?

Recently, I was coaching Vinay (name changed for confidentiality). He wanted to talk about a minor unnoticeable physical attribute he has and in particular - why does he have it and how can he get rid of it, as it makes him feel abnormal. I politely informed him that there are 2 parts to what he wants to talk about. The first part - why does he have the physical attribute and what he needs to do to get rid of it, is a physiological issue and as a coach I am not competent to help him, probably he should consider visiting a doctor. Whereas, the second viz. it makes him feel abnormal, is something that we could talk about, as it relates to his thoughts and perceptions. After giving it a thought, he agreed and our session started. For half an hour we just did not move beyond the following 3 answers.

Coach: How does the physical attribute impact your personal and profession life?

Coachee: It does not impact either of them, but it makes me feel abnormal.

Coach: OK, what steps have you taken to get rid of it?

Coachee: I went to a doctor; she was a GP and told me to do certain special exercises. I did not do them because I know they will not work for me. I think jogging is going to help me.

Coach: What makes you think so, that they will not work for you?

Coachee: People go to a GP for issues like fever, stomach upset, allergies, vomiting, etc. Secondly, she was a fresher with only 6 months experience. I did not go to other doctors, because they would have laughed at me.

Now the challenge before me was how do I take him beyond this thinking of his. So, I decided to play the game ‘IF YOUR WERE THE COACH, I THE COACHEE’ and said to him “Vinay, let us assume that I have the same problem that you have and you are the only person I can confide and lookup to for advice without the fear of being judged – please advise me on what do I need to do, to get rid of my physical attribute which is making me feel abnormal”. Initially he said ‘I do not know’, but when I insisted that I have come to him for advice and he cannot disappoint me, the break through happened. Aha! Sitting straight, he rattled out a number of probable solutions, which we later successfully converted into SMART actionable. 

What, “IF YOU WERE THE COACH, I THE COACHEE” did to Vinay, was to move him out of his insecurity of being judged and being made fun off, to a secure place where he was judging others, resulting in he feeling important and in control which led to his opening the flood gates of his thinking beyond the above 3 answers. Subsequent to the session, feeling good about having found a solution, he told me that he subconsciously compares himself to a particular film actor.

Thank you for reading and I would love to receive your comments.