Last week, I joined a meeting as the advisory consultant on a critical cross functional project. The group had strongly opinionated subject matter experts from their respective functions.

As the designated representative, Rebecca started talking about the problem statement, and I could see the other members getting restless and defensive… preparing themselves for their retort….

Becca paused and said, ‘I’m not good at this, but there’s a lot of stuff happening that seems to be holding us back as a team, and I think we should talk about it!’

The tension in the air and the ‘ready for war’ feeling in the room suddenly shifted! What had just happened was a public display of vulnerability.

Would you agree that one of the most important components of building trust is vulnerability? … and if so, what does it mean to be really vulnerable?

1. Courage to break the ice: Ever shared an idea or a thought which you were unsure of, to hear someone say, ‘hey, I agree with you’; ‘I was also nervous about this’; ‘I’m so happy you brough this up’… How did that make you feel?

I was chatting with a colleague who very courageously expressed his feelings and said 2021 feels just like 2020… and while I could have given him a pep talk of how things will improve, I couldn’t stop from sharing how I felt the same!

2. Vulnerability loop: This is one of the most basic building blocks of cooperation and trust, which starts by opening up and communicating a vulnerability, and the recipient reciprocating by sharing their own vulnerabilities creating an ongoing loop. This dialogue starts to shift dynamics and can help to create a more open and caring environment.

As schools shifted to online mode of teaching, it became apparent that everyone was starting from scratch; teachers, students and parents… in such a situation, imagine how powerful the dialog will be when parents share their vulnerability and concerns and the school and teachers reciprocate with their own…. both parents and teachers would be able to come up with ideas that help the students better…. but if parents shared their vulnerability and were met with a defensive response from the school, it would break the loop and damage the trust.

3. Comfort with the uncomfortable: Vulnerability and courage allow you to have difficult, uncomfortable conversations. Sharing personal struggles or difficulties creates a connection on a much deeper level of perspectives and experiences. This deeper understanding helps build teams that are highly inclusive and play to people’s strengths.

It must have taken Becca some courage to bare her vulnerability and express her true sentiments. Fighting off her default nature of being in-charge was a marvellous act of embracing the uncomfortable feeling of letting others know that she needed help.

‘We must take off the armor, put down the weapons, show up, and let ourselves be seen’ — Brené Brown